A Day in the Life

Today will be an interesting day!! Some how I forgot to take my bipolar medication last night. I woke up early and could not go back to sleep, I thought I was in a manic episode, just another one coming along. But, then I thought back to last night and realized I did not take my medication. The manic episodes are worse when I don’t take my medications, rather than just a mood swing.

I don’t like the way I feel when I’m not on my medications. There are too many thoughts going through my mind, I feel nervous and anxious. I’m fearful of being around people today, because I don’t want to say the wrong thing or act too much different than a normal day. I can’t concentrate and I feel off. That is the best way to describe it, I feel off. I am not myself and I am afraid of losing control. I don’t like how I am feeling. It’s too much for me to handle.

I have to work today, and I am afraid. I don’t want to call my clients and cancel the sessions, they need me to see them. I am praying things go well today and if I truly can’t handle things, then I will call it a day and hide out at home. It is taking all my energy to keep my calm and not say everything that comes to mind. I am holding on with all that I have. I will do my best to be professional and calm with the families I work with.

So, if you don’t see me today, don’t take offense, I don’t want to say something stupid or do something silly. I take deep breathes and know that this day will end and I will take my medications tonight (and probably a sleeping pill). Tomorrow will be a better day, I just need to make it through today. Wish me luck!!

Thanks for Reading,
House Wife with Degree

My New Avenue to Weight Loss

I have struggled with my weight since I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, at the age of 19 (I’m 43 now). Most of the medications I have been on can cause weight gain. It also doesn’t help that I have not been as active as I was in high school. But, who really is? My weight has bounced around from 225-265 pounds over the last several years. I’ve gotten pretty good at staying in a plateau for several years. But, I do not increase my work outs when I plateau, which is something I regret.

The job I am in I do a lot of sitting. I drive long distances and then I sit in a client’s home. I sometimes do not have time to work out or go for a walk. I need to get better at making time. My health needs to improve and working out is the way to get there, I see this now. Currently, I am 265 pounds and I stand at 5’9″. I have, what I call, two bellies. I have the big one on top, that makes me look pregnant when I sit. Then, I have the lower belly that just sits there. I don’t like the way I look, at all.

I have tried several weight loss programs. I was on Weight Watchers for a while. I learned some very helpful tips. I am currently working with a program called Naturally Slim. Again, I have learned a lot of tips to help with weight loss. I was doing pretty well on this one and have lost 18 pounds thus far. But, I’ve again his a plateau and feel like giving up. I’ve done the 21 day challenge by Beach Body and that helped some. But, I am overweight, so I struggle with the movements required to move quickly.

So, I have decided to go down the path of bariatric surgery. This is not an easy path and there are many things I have to do in order to get there. I talked to my primary doctor and got his approval. I spoke to my therapist and got her approval. I need to see my psychiatrist and get his approval. I met with the surgeon yesterday and found out I need to see a dietician every few months. There are tests that need to be completed before surgery. I also have to keep track of my workouts. This means I really have to work on getting out and moving. I have a gym membership, so I better start using it again.

This decision was not an easy one. This is also a process that will not be easy. I spoke to a friend of mine who has had the surgery. Your body goes through many changes and will affect your mood. This decision will take me down a path that won’t be easy. This was not a cop out and I’m taking the easy way out. This is a path that changes my life forever and I need to make some major life time changes. I am ready to do this and I will share my path with all of you.

I am scared about the mood changes after surgery. I have been stable, with my bipolar, for several years. I don’t want anything to mess that up. But, I will stay in constant contact with my psychiatrist. He will help me manage that side of things. I also have a supportive husband that will be by my side for each step. This is the beginning of a long process. The doctor said if all goes well, I could have surgery in 6 months. Thank you for going down this path with me.

Thanks for Reading,
House Wife with Degree